Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Its been a long time coming...

It's been a busy five years since I last posted here.  It's hard to even keep continuity on the events that have unfolded.  After sharing my secret with my girlfriend and receiving support from her she quickly became ashamed of my use of a chair.  At one point she even told me that she could do better than dating a guy in a wheelchair.  I fell into a pretty deep state of depression but managed to keep on going to work everyday, playing music and maintaining as normal of a life as possible. 
In this time I came to terms with the fact that I have BIID or am Transabled, however you want to say it.  My routine after work was to waste most of my day sitting on my chair and searching the web for any new information that might help me or at least give me hope.  As always I was left unsatisfied.
As I logged on one afternoon I found I had an email referencing this very BLOG.  It was an invitation to be filmed in a documentary series and share my story.  I consulted with my girlfriend and she told me that she was not in support of me sharing my secret.  After much thought I decided that holding on to the secret was too much and it was time to let it go.  I called the production and scheduled the time to film.  I immediately began telling my closest friends my secret so that they would hear it straight from me instead of on television.  The supportive reactions I got were shocking to me.  Most people could care less if I walk or if I roll.
I grew very anxious as the filming date got closer.  As the camera pointed at me I struggled to share my story trying to be as genuine as possible.  I managed to get through the filming without a total breakdown.  During the filming my girlfriend and I broke up, actually she dumped me.  She was so ashamed of me that she couldn't stand to be with me anymore.  I continued sharing my story with friends as I waited for the show to air and continued to get the same supportive reactions from most people.
I moved out of the house I was sharing with my girlfriend and back to my parent's house where I had grown up.  The house is completely inaccessible from a chair so living there is a terrible struggle with my BIID.  Being unable to be in my chair at home was awful but I was growing more confident and taking my chair out more often and much closer to home.
Shortly before the air date of the program I began chatting on facebook with a beautiful woman from across the world who happens to be an incomplete paraplegic.  She was intrigued by my situation and encouraged me to "Just sit."  Because of my being a devotee I was very shy in these initial contacts and was afraid to make an advance on this gorgeous woman, I was across the planet anyway.
Once the documentary aired I felt a huge sense of relief.  There was some backlash online of people bashing me and that hurt but it was better than carrying the secret around.
A few months later I met a young lady who was very interested in me.  I immediately shared my BIID with her and it didn't bother her at all.  Our relationship was stressed by the 120 miles between us as well as a substantial age difference so it unfortunately didn't work out.
The holidays passed and we entered the year 2015.  I had been neglecting my facebook account and when I logged in one morning I saw a beautiful new profile pic on the page of the girl I mentioned before.  It took me all day but I finally built up the courage to send her a message and let her know how great she looked.  That was the most important message I have ever sent to anyone.
I can't remember exactly how those first few after that went exactly because it was such a whirlwind of feelings.  We chatted online non stop, even while I was at work, I was constantly sneaking away to check my phone.  She stayed up all night waiting for me to get out of work.  As it turns out she is also a devotee of guys in chairs.  She just loved seeing the pictures of myself I'd send her when I'd go out wheeling.  Beyond that connection we found so many other bonds.  We both grew up in line skating and being huge lovers of music and art as well as so many other common interests, especially our shared obsession with wheelchairs.  We both had spent countless hours scouring the web, especially ebay for deals on chairs.
A few days in we started using video chats.  It was amazing for both of us to be able to see each other and hear each others voices.  We both stayed up all night over and over getting to know each other better and better and finding all sorts of amazing connections.  We began feeling each other's emotions from across the globe.  It became clear that I needed to get my passport, book a flight and fly across the world.
I began my preparations immediately.  In the 2 months between then and my actual departure our love grew every day.  We would video chat every chance we had and text all day long in between the activities of our lives.  We shared with each other our deepest secrets.  One day she shocked me and shared that she believed that before her injury she was suffering with BIID also.  She struggled to tell me this but I could feel this in her already.  Our ability to understand each other in this condition makes our bond even more special.
In the meantime she stumbled on a bargain chair on ebay but shipping was only to the United States.  I agreed to deliver the chair when I was to visit.  The chair arrived a few days after the auction closed and sat in its box for weeks. I knew I'd be riding it on my way to deliver it but didn't want to abuse this gorgeous Spazz with its sexy x core rims.  In one of our video chats she asked my why I wasn't riding on it so with her encouragement and advice I adjusted it for myself and began rolling on it daily.  Being on a better chair made feel so much more confident.  Her comments about the way I looked made me feel like the sexiest man on earth.
Our amazing conversations continued as we both struggled with the wait to finally be together.  Together we counted the weeks, days and hours until I'd arrive.  Finally the day of my flight arrived and I was beyond excited to be on my way to meet my soul mate and I to be traveling as a wheelchair user for the first time.  I had been warned by many friends and family to be cautious with my love and expectations but I knew what I was getting myself into.  As the plane accelerated down the runway and took flight my heart raced.  Once we reached cruising altitude I tried to sleep but my anticipation wouldn't allow it.  The 10+ hour flight felt like it took days.
When we finally landed I knew it would be very soon and I'd be seeing her and my heart again began racing.  I was able to use a phone from one of the airline workers to try to reach her but she didn't answer.  I knew she was there waiting I just hoped we'd be able to find each other easily.  As soon as I passed through the doors into the international arrivals area of the airport I saw her sitting and waiting for me.  She looked better than in any of the videos or pictures we had been sharing.  I rolled up next to her and we had the best hug and kiss of my life.  The wait was excruciating but worth every moment of suffering in that first kiss.  That was it, I knew my life had changed forever.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


I am a wannabe.  I don't want to suffer some horrific accident, I just don't want to walk, I'd rather use my wheelchair.  Lately when I am home alone I use my wheelchair all of the time.  My girlfriend and I plan to go on another trip with my wheelchair and I can't wait.  I'm so glad I don't have to hide this from her anymore.


So I'm out.  Well kind of. I told my girlfriend about my wheelchair.  I was pleasantly surprised at her reaction.  I started by telling her I had a fetish /fantasy about getting fucked while on my wheelchair.  I proceeded to tell her that I'd like to try doing evedryday things from a wheelchair.  I expected her to walk out on me but she simply asked, "So where do we get a wheelchair?"  I excused myself and returned on my wheels.  She was very accepting, She fucked me on my chair and I wheeled until bedtime.
My girlfriend knows of my absooolute hatred for shopping malls, but I told her I really wanted to use my wheelchair outside of my home and I thought a mall would be a good place to start.  Since she loves shopping she took full advantage of an opportunity to get me into the mall with her.  So a couple of weeks later we drove out of town about an hour and I used my wheelchair in public for the first time!
It felt great rolling about.  I didn't notice any different treatment (aside from one incident which I will describe later) but my girlfriend said she saw a group of people part like the Red Sea when I came rolling towards them. 
In line for our lunch at a food court pizza shop I encountered a female wheeler.  Good thing I was sitting because I got a raging hard on as soon as I saw her!  I have to assume that she was legit but you never know?  She could've been a pretender just like me.  Either way I was totally jealous of her wheelchair.  It had a shiny chrome looking frame and sweet spinergy rims w/ schwalbe tires.  Way nicer than my used e-bay score (I still LOVE MY wheelchair though!).  We even had a brief dialogue while my girlfriend decided on her order and she got ahead of us in line.
After our lunch we shopped a little more, both for ourselves and some early x-mas shopping.  While my girlfriend looked at clothes in Sears I headed over to the tool department.  This was the only area where I incurred any obstacles all day long.  Several holiday shopping displays were crowding the aisles and I had to go 4 aisles out of my way to check out the 4 piece cordless tool set I've been eyeing.  When a salesman approached me I felt terribly insulted.  He acted as if I must be shopping for a gift.  Like someone in a who uses a wheelchair couldn't be a mechanic.  I put him in his place and told a couple of bold faced lies about building custom cars.  He was at first shocked but then just impressed with the knowledge I have.  That would be so cool, having hot rod cars that were accessable, Idealy a 32 ford roadster pickup, but I digress.
The highlight of the day for me was stopping into Victoria's Secret.  I'm a fool for a pair of stockings and garters so I bought a sexy little number for my sexy little number.  The girl who checked us out made a comment about someone having a good time tonight, maybe she likes disabled guys?
When we were done shopping we headed out and I suggested stopping for a bite.  Instead we hit the ou of town grocery store and headed home.  We played my little wheelchair game, which included some exceptional sex, until bedtime when we fell asleep in each others arms.  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful and understanding girlfriend.  She's willing to tolerate my wierdness and even facilitate it!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

SImple Pleasures

I woke today with my chair right next to my bed.  Using my legs only a little (I don't want to be a para, just to need a chair or braces and crutches) I got into my chair and rolled out to the kitchen to make coffee.  My apartment is not made to be accessable but its not too bad getting around.  The only place that I can't get my chair is the bathroom so in order to keep up my disabled charade I go back to the bedroom and put my AFOs on.  I keep my crutches by the bathroom door most of the time so I roll back out to the hall way and reach around the corner and grab one crutch.  I lock my chair in place and prop myself up into the doorway.  After doing my thing I manuever myself back to the chair where I stayed putting off doing my work for the day as I don't want to be found out.
As soon as I'm done with my appointments for the day it's back in the chair and braces.  I love using my appliances!  Any pretenders(either gender) or FEMALE devotees of wheelchair guys who like pretenders  in upstate NY please contact me if you want to go out and play sometime.


Yesterday my used Kuschall chair arrived.  I quickly unpacked it only to find there were no rear tires on the rims.  I hustled all afternoon to find a pair of tires and got the mounted in a local chair shop.  So here I sit, in my new wheelchair, happier than ever.  I wish there was someplace I could go to pretend in public today but I don't have time.  Too much work to do so I gotta put the chair away soon whether I like it or not.

Monday, November 8, 2010


While shopping for halloween costumes a few weeks ago my girlfriend pointed out a pirate costume and suggested I should dress in it for some bedroom fun.   She is able bodied and does not know anything about my devoteeism or pretending habits.  The costume didn't include a hook but I think it's essential for every pirate.
While anxiously awaiting my sporty new chair I ordered a left hook (5XA) for those who are familiar.  Using some material I had lying around I fashioned myself a socket, harness and control rig.  I'm wearing it right now as I type this in ocassionally tapping the keyboard with the tip of of my hook and loving every second of it.
Since it is such a crappy day where I live I've decided to wear my hook and get my aparrtment cleaned up.  I figure I can figure out how to use the hook a bit while i consider the possibilty of using it in front of my girlfriend while dressed as a pirate.  How will she react?  Does she secretly share this desire with me?  Will this lead to my dream realtionship, one with a woman who will accept, tolerate and maybe even particapate in my pretending.  I've long dreamed of taking a vacation in a wheelchair with my also (self) chair bound lover. 
Maybe this is a good chance to test the waters.  I've thought of showing her quid pro quo and then excusing myself at the perfect time to wheel back into the room as Fiona appears in her Milwaukee brace for the first time.  I don't know how to do it.  She already told me she was "open to suggesion" as far as erotic acivities are concerned, but just how open is she?  Maybe I'll have the guts to do one or the other later this week when she comes over. 

Friday, November 5, 2010

New Toy

I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new wheelchair.  I just won a kuschall rigid chair on ebay. (it's my profile pic) I haven't been able to wheel since my recent breakdowns so this is going to be awesome!  I will finally be confident enough to wheel in public (obviously not close to home).  I haven't picked my destination yet but I'm sure I will find a place.