Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Its been a long time coming...

It's been a busy five years since I last posted here.  It's hard to even keep continuity on the events that have unfolded.  After sharing my secret with my girlfriend and receiving support from her she quickly became ashamed of my use of a chair.  At one point she even told me that she could do better than dating a guy in a wheelchair.  I fell into a pretty deep state of depression but managed to keep on going to work everyday, playing music and maintaining as normal of a life as possible. 
In this time I came to terms with the fact that I have BIID or am Transabled, however you want to say it.  My routine after work was to waste most of my day sitting on my chair and searching the web for any new information that might help me or at least give me hope.  As always I was left unsatisfied.
As I logged on one afternoon I found I had an email referencing this very BLOG.  It was an invitation to be filmed in a documentary series and share my story.  I consulted with my girlfriend and she told me that she was not in support of me sharing my secret.  After much thought I decided that holding on to the secret was too much and it was time to let it go.  I called the production and scheduled the time to film.  I immediately began telling my closest friends my secret so that they would hear it straight from me instead of on television.  The supportive reactions I got were shocking to me.  Most people could care less if I walk or if I roll.
I grew very anxious as the filming date got closer.  As the camera pointed at me I struggled to share my story trying to be as genuine as possible.  I managed to get through the filming without a total breakdown.  During the filming my girlfriend and I broke up, actually she dumped me.  She was so ashamed of me that she couldn't stand to be with me anymore.  I continued sharing my story with friends as I waited for the show to air and continued to get the same supportive reactions from most people.
I moved out of the house I was sharing with my girlfriend and back to my parent's house where I had grown up.  The house is completely inaccessible from a chair so living there is a terrible struggle with my BIID.  Being unable to be in my chair at home was awful but I was growing more confident and taking my chair out more often and much closer to home.
Shortly before the air date of the program I began chatting on facebook with a beautiful woman from across the world who happens to be an incomplete paraplegic.  She was intrigued by my situation and encouraged me to "Just sit."  Because of my being a devotee I was very shy in these initial contacts and was afraid to make an advance on this gorgeous woman, I was across the planet anyway.
Once the documentary aired I felt a huge sense of relief.  There was some backlash online of people bashing me and that hurt but it was better than carrying the secret around.
A few months later I met a young lady who was very interested in me.  I immediately shared my BIID with her and it didn't bother her at all.  Our relationship was stressed by the 120 miles between us as well as a substantial age difference so it unfortunately didn't work out.
The holidays passed and we entered the year 2015.  I had been neglecting my facebook account and when I logged in one morning I saw a beautiful new profile pic on the page of the girl I mentioned before.  It took me all day but I finally built up the courage to send her a message and let her know how great she looked.  That was the most important message I have ever sent to anyone.
I can't remember exactly how those first few after that went exactly because it was such a whirlwind of feelings.  We chatted online non stop, even while I was at work, I was constantly sneaking away to check my phone.  She stayed up all night waiting for me to get out of work.  As it turns out she is also a devotee of guys in chairs.  She just loved seeing the pictures of myself I'd send her when I'd go out wheeling.  Beyond that connection we found so many other bonds.  We both grew up in line skating and being huge lovers of music and art as well as so many other common interests, especially our shared obsession with wheelchairs.  We both had spent countless hours scouring the web, especially ebay for deals on chairs.
A few days in we started using video chats.  It was amazing for both of us to be able to see each other and hear each others voices.  We both stayed up all night over and over getting to know each other better and better and finding all sorts of amazing connections.  We began feeling each other's emotions from across the globe.  It became clear that I needed to get my passport, book a flight and fly across the world.
I began my preparations immediately.  In the 2 months between then and my actual departure our love grew every day.  We would video chat every chance we had and text all day long in between the activities of our lives.  We shared with each other our deepest secrets.  One day she shocked me and shared that she believed that before her injury she was suffering with BIID also.  She struggled to tell me this but I could feel this in her already.  Our ability to understand each other in this condition makes our bond even more special.
In the meantime she stumbled on a bargain chair on ebay but shipping was only to the United States.  I agreed to deliver the chair when I was to visit.  The chair arrived a few days after the auction closed and sat in its box for weeks. I knew I'd be riding it on my way to deliver it but didn't want to abuse this gorgeous Spazz with its sexy x core rims.  In one of our video chats she asked my why I wasn't riding on it so with her encouragement and advice I adjusted it for myself and began rolling on it daily.  Being on a better chair made feel so much more confident.  Her comments about the way I looked made me feel like the sexiest man on earth.
Our amazing conversations continued as we both struggled with the wait to finally be together.  Together we counted the weeks, days and hours until I'd arrive.  Finally the day of my flight arrived and I was beyond excited to be on my way to meet my soul mate and I to be traveling as a wheelchair user for the first time.  I had been warned by many friends and family to be cautious with my love and expectations but I knew what I was getting myself into.  As the plane accelerated down the runway and took flight my heart raced.  Once we reached cruising altitude I tried to sleep but my anticipation wouldn't allow it.  The 10+ hour flight felt like it took days.
When we finally landed I knew it would be very soon and I'd be seeing her and my heart again began racing.  I was able to use a phone from one of the airline workers to try to reach her but she didn't answer.  I knew she was there waiting I just hoped we'd be able to find each other easily.  As soon as I passed through the doors into the international arrivals area of the airport I saw her sitting and waiting for me.  She looked better than in any of the videos or pictures we had been sharing.  I rolled up next to her and we had the best hug and kiss of my life.  The wait was excruciating but worth every moment of suffering in that first kiss.  That was it, I knew my life had changed forever.